If Only I Were Skinny…

October 08, 2025

"Your body is not the enemy—the world's impossible standards are. And every time you name that truth out loud, you don't just free yourself, you also free someone else.” —Donna Piper

Some lies are so loud they start to sound like truth—like the idea that confidence waits on the other side of weight loss. And the hardest part? The shame of not being skinny can at times feel heavier than our own weight, turning every step forward into a fight against an invisible anchor.

Donna spent years believing her size erased her gifts. It wasn’t until she uncovered her diagnosis of lipedema and connected her lived experience with research on weight stigma that she began reframing her story—not as a failure to fix her body, but as proof that shame, not size, was her real burden.

In this conversation, Donna unpacks the shame-weight connection, how stigma literally rewires the nervous system, myths about size and illness, hidden biases in the wellness culture, why unlearning shame is as vital as any treatment, and simple daily practices to reclaim confidence without waiting on the scale.

Connect with Donna:

Website: https://www.donnapiper.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/donnapiper

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lipedema_donna

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thedonnapiper

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thedonnapiper

Episode Highlights:

01:36 The Shame of Not Being Skinny

04:04 Weighed Down by Weight

08:19 Studies on Weight Stigma

14:27 Myths About Being Skinny

15:47 Clummping the Anchor

19:37 Start from “Me” First

21:31 The Real Enemy

Resources:

🤔Got a question for me? Every month, I do a listener coaching episode—and I’d love to hear from you!

Send your questions, stories, or flare-up confessions to [email protected], and you just might hear your answer on the show.

Weight stigma and cortisol (stress response)

Tomiyama AJ et al., Psychoneuroendocrinology (2014) When people experience weight stigma, their cortisol levels spike—the same hormone that rises when your body senses danger. This study shows how shame literally stresses the body on a biochemical level.

The stress of stigma — cortisol reactivity

Major B et al., Body Image (2014) In a lab setting, women exposed to weight-related stigma had higher stress-hormone responses than those who weren’t. It’s proof that judgment—even subtle—activates the body’s fight-or-flight system.

Chronic stress model of weight stigma

Tomiyama AJ, Appetite (2014) This review describes the “cyclic obesity/weight-based stigma” model: stigma triggers stress, stress alters metabolism, and the cycle keeps repeating.

Lipedema, stigma, and depression

Clarke M et al., International Journal of Obesity (2024) A study of 1,000+ women with lipedema found that internalized shame—not body size—was one of the strongest predictors of depression. It’s not the fat; it’s the stigma about the fat.

Internalized weight bias and mental health

Durso LE & Latner JD, Obesity (2008) Researchers created the Weight Bias Internalization Scale and found that self-directed stigma predicts worse emotional health, disordered eating, and avoidance of care.

Review of internalized weight stigma

Papadopoulos S & Brennan L, Obesity Reviews (2021) A systematic review showing that internalized stigma often acts as the missing link between outside judgment and the physical and emotional fallout that follows.

Confidence isn’t about losing pounds—it’s about losing shame. This week, Donna gets real about chronic illness, fat bias + showing up as you are. #DearBodyImListeningPodcast #BodyConfidence #ChronicIllness #SelfCompassion #BodyPositivity #SelfLove #WeightStigma

Quotes:

01:59 “Shame is sneaky. It doesn't just whisper in the dressing room. It leaks into your career, into your relationships, and sense of purpose.” —Donna Piper

04:41 “It's incongruent— what you want to believe and what you truly believe. You can't trick yourself, so you really have to do a lot of different work around this.” —Donna Piper

06:55 “It's a medical condition. It is not a lack of willpower. It's not laziness, it's not discipline failure. It's lipedema.” —Donna Piper

10:06 “It just wasn't the fat, it was the shame about the fat.” —Donna Piper

14:40 “Confidence doesn't come from subtracting pounds. It comes from subtracting shame.” —Donna Piper

14:53 “Illness is not a size issue. It's a systemic issue.” —Donna Piper

14:57 “Respect doesn't come from a body type. It comes from the humanity inside the body.” —Donna Piper

16:03 “Living with and changing this internal system is tough, especially when you believe it, because here's the thing: affirmations only work if you really believe them.” —Donna Piper

17:29 “Shame does interfere with your healing. It does affect your cortisol, it does affect your inflammation.” —Donna Piper

20:37 “Looking at yourself in the mirror without judging yourself and saying positive things is a very powerful. Your system will slowly begin to shift because you're not just saying the words, you're teaching your body that it's safe to believe them.” —Donna Piper

21:27 “Your body is not the enemy—the world's impossible standards are. And every time you name that truth out loud, you don't just free yourself, you also free someone else.” —Donna Piper

21:41 “You're calling, your leadership, your gifts— they don't shrink because of your size. They expand the moment you show up as you are.” —Donna Piper

21:55 “If you're breathing, you are worthy.” —Donna Piper

Meet Your Host:

Donna Piper is a Relationship Coach, Trauma Expert, and Akashic Records Healer dedicated to empowering successful single women to transform their love lives and attract fulfilling partnerships without sacrificing their professional ambitions.

With a holistic approach blending therapeutic coaching, trauma-informed techniques, and Akashic Records wisdom, she guides clients to release limiting beliefs, heal emotional blocks, and cultivate unshakable self-trust. Her work focuses on aligning mind, body, and spirit to create lasting change—helping clients refine communication, deepen self-worth, and build the foundation for healthy, loving relationships.

Donna’s sessions are a safe haven for those ready to break cycles, embrace vulnerability, and design a love life that harmonizes with their thriving careers. For women committed to both personal and professional fulfillment, she offers tailored strategies to unlock their full potential and step into the relationship of their dreams.

Episode Transcript

PODCAST INTRO: Hey, beautiful soul, and welcome to Dear Body, I'm Listening. The podcast for women navigating chronic symptoms, invisible illness, and that daily dance between hope and exhaustion. If you've ever been told it's all in your head. Well, this podcast is for you, because your body is not lying, and neither are you.

Hi, I'm Donna Piper, movement therapist, Pilates instructor, and chronic illness navigator. After years of being dismissed since diagnosed and doing everything, quote, unquote right, but still getting sicker? I created this space to tell our truth. Here, we talk about swelling, brain fog, nervous system crashes, and the kind of symptoms that don't always show up on lab results. We're going to explore lymph breath, movement, self trust, latest research books, relationships, basically everything, all from a place of compassion and honesty. This isn't about fixing your body. It's about finally being heard and getting some answers.

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Donna Piper: Hey, friend. Running low? Me too. I'm Donna. This is Dear Body, I'm Listening. We're in it together.

Hey, beautiful soul, welcome back to Dear Body, I'm Listening. Today, I want to lean into a tender, but oh, so real. One, the shame of not being skinny. For me, this is one of the loudest anchors of my life. I told myself for years, if only I lost the weight, then I'd be confident, then I'd be respected, then I'd finally be enough. And maybe you've had that same thought too. But here's the truth, shame is sneaky. It is a sneaky little bugger. It doesn't just whisper in the dressing room. It leaks into your career, into your relationships. And in my case, a sense of purpose. And if your body doesn't match what the world says it should, for me, this was a big one. Every single step forward can feel like dragging a 10 ton anchor. So today, friend, we're unclipping that anchor together.

REAL TRALK. NO GLOSS, JUST US. NOW LET'S DIVE IN.

Let me share something personal. I have spent decades as a therapist, a life coach, and a Pilates instructor. I like to be involved in so many different things, and I love performing. I was a dancer, etcetera, and I have gotten a lot of positive feedback in my life, which I'm thankful for. I've even walked with countless women through their pain, recovery and transformation, and they have told me beautiful things that were so affirming. Like, Donna, you've changed my life. You've made me feel safe in my body for the first time. I've helped people walk before, etcetera, change relationship patterns, and it's been an honor to be a part of these journeys for other people. But I didn't believe that about myself. I thought I was good at things, but it didn't hit me in a place that those things really should in order to really let me flourish in my life because I really didn't believe them to my core, and because what was in the back of my mind was this thought on repeat, how can you really be that good if I wasn't skinny.

My weight and my self worth have gone hand in hand my whole life. And even though I've done tons of work and tons of different ways, and I'm really utilizing the social media stuff today to really see my body for what it is, and really try to get a different perspective on it because my sense of self is so connected with weight, it's been a really challenging thing to peel that away. I know there's lots of different techniques, and there's lots of things, and I've done all of them. But living with all of these chronic issues, it's not that simple. I would love to believe that's true, but it's incongruent. What you want to believe and what you really, truly believe, you can't trick yourself, so you really have to do a lot of different work around this. And some people feel so comfortable in whatever size they're in, and that's amazing. But that is not how I feel in my body, nor have I felt like that with the addition of all the chronic illness issues I have.

I did everything I was supposed to do for years. I cut out sugar. I have been a vegetarian since I was 13. That has switched over to carnivore because that seems to help my pain and my energy levels, and so carnivore. So I went from a full vegetarian to a full carnivore. And really, that has been for my health. I have seen the benefits of a full carnivore. I'm sure I'll land somewhere in the middle, but for the time being as I'm healing, carnivore has been it. But no matter which extreme I was, or even if I did a master cleanse diet, or if I detoxed this or that, whatever I've done, I still didn't see the change in my thighs. I danced for decades, I did Pilates, I even trained and ran for a marathon, and I thought for sure that would slim down my legs. And nope, I still had my thick thighs. They never shrank. They stayed heavy no matter what I did, how disciplined I was, and I was always at a loss that I couldn't fix them. How can I be a good and successful instructor for other people that they've made changes in their body, but I couldn't? And at the time, only two years ago. So this is most of my life.

I ran this way. Ran literally, and ran like my mind and my processes ran that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't fix my weight, and my weight was really how I believed people saw me, how they judged me, how I judged myself. I didn't know that I had lipedema, and it's a medical condition. It is not a lack of willpower. It's not laziness. It's not discipline failure. It's lipedema. It is a connective tissue disorder that also is a fat disorder. There's many components to it. And because I didn't know, I blamed myself, and I blocked the very truth people were trying to tell me that I was gifted. Even if I was a good dancer, even if I was a good therapist, I even blocked myself from helping people, and I was good at what I did. I knew I was adequate and good, but it wasn't like, oh, my gosh. Each accomplishment, each thing that I did, each accolade I got, it fueled me. I was like, okay, this is my baseline. I kept on thinking, no, no, no, because I'm not thin. There is something inherently wrong with me, and everything else doesn't count, and it won't count until I'm skinny. And that was a full on life such BS, it still is, but that was my anchor that weighed everything down in my confidence, my career, my sense of worth.

NOW, IT'S TIME FOR THE CONNECTIVE THREAD WHERE THE STORY MEETS THE SCIENCE.

I'm getting my surgery in 2026, January 17. I'm not sure when this is going to come out. But let me tell you, I'm going to be redoing this to make sure that my head is straight and helps with my healing process, other than hindering it. Because if you go back to the connective thread part, shame does interfere with your healing. It does affect your cortisol, it does affect your inflammation, it does affect all of those things. So let me stop talking about that, and let me tell you what we're going to do.

If you can't trick your ego, then what does help? Practice repetition and nervous system rewiring. So here's a challenge. For the next 90 days, yes, three months, look in the mirror every single day and say one positive thing about yourself. Just one. So when I did this years ago, it was simply, I love myself. So that was really hard for me. So I had to start with myself. And then some days I was like, well, I don't dislike myself as much. So sometimes, you have to really go back and tweeze out what really your thoughts are, and what you really believe. So start with one positive thing that you can believe about yourself. And then as it goes on, if you could say, I accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself, any of those. Acceptance and forgiveness are some higher tier, like emotional relationship states. Meaning that there's a whole emotion. It's like a chart of what's a lower frequency to a higher frequency. And if you're in shame and hate anger, they're low, and love is all the way at the top. You can't just skip all the way to the top.

There's actual science behind this stuff too. So you have to start off on what words resonate with, maybe the one step above shame. I'll see if I can link this below this chart so you can look at it. Because then, you need to work yourself up into self acceptance, self love, and self forgiveness. They're much higher states. And when you're in that state, then you start to believe those things, then all the good things that you hear from people and your belief system could start to shift about yourself. Because really, all this stuff is not about how other people treat me, or how I want other people to treat me. It doesn't matter, because I've had negative and positive thoughts on both sides. I resonate and go towards the negative. 90% of the stuff that's negative that I think about myself, I've said to myself first. I believe that first. It comes from me first, and then maybe gets mirrored out into the world. So using this whole time after learning my issues with lipedema, chronic fatigue, all this stuff, to really have a new foundation for myself.

Here are just some of the things that you can say for these 90 days. I see you. Thank you for carrying me. I survived another day in this body. Anything that you want. It will feel awkward. It did for me. It was harder training for the marathon than doing this stuff. Looking at myself in the mirror without judging myself and saying positive things is very powerful, but your system will slowly begin to shift because you're just not saying the words, you're teaching your body that it's safe to believe them. So let's say this together right now as you look at your reflection if you can. Or close your eyes and picture yourself, if you're in a safe space to do that and whisper, my worth is not measured in pounds. My presence is my power. And then breathe. Let that land in your body.

THIS IS SHARED EDUCATION AND LIVED EXPERIENCE, NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE. CHECK IN WITH YOUR BODY, CHECK IN WITH YOUR CLINICIAN, AND FIND OUT WHAT FITS YOUR LIFE.

Remember, friend, your body is not the enemy. The world's impossible standards are. And every time you name that truth out loud, you don't just free yourself, you also free someone else who's listening and thinking they're alone. You're calling your leadership your gifts. They don't shrink because of your size. They expand the moment you show up as you are.

Thank you for being here today. And if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone else who carries that anchor. And never forget, if you're breathing, you are worthy. Until next time, you've been listening to, Dear Body, I'm Listening. It's time to remember to be gentle with your capacity. Meet yourself where you are. And if this has helped, send it to a friend who also needs a soft reminder and a gentle place to land. If this episode made you feel even more seen, brought you clarity or reminded you that you're not alone, please take a moment to rate, review, and send it to someone who needs that same reminder. You can find more tools, blog posts and support over at donnapiper.com.

And hey, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Got a question for me? Every month, I do a listening coaching episode. I'd love to hear from you. Send your questions, stories or flare up confessions to [email protected], and you just might hear your answer on the show. Until next time, Dear Body, I'm Listening. I am so glad that you are here.

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PODCAST OUTRO: If this episode made you feel even a little more seen, brought you a dose of clarity or pointed you toward your next step, please rate, review and share it with someone who's been quietly carrying the same questions. You can find some more resources, blog posts and healing tools over at donnapiper.com. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time, Dear Body, I'm listening, and I am so glad you're here.

If Only I Were Skinny…

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